I Like Winning!

So this may not be a shock to people who know me, but I like winning.  I like games and competitions and chances to test myself, to prove myself.  And while the trill of the competition itself is nice, in the end I like to win.  For that reason I find it much more enjoyable to play games I think I can win and especially nice to feel like I have some "ace in the hole" solution to pull out when things get tough.  Almost like a parent running gamely alongside their kid, knowing that if they wanted to they could put on the extra burst of speed and make it to the finish line first.  Or the tortoise, plodding along but knowing in the end that slow and steady will win the race, no matter how fast the hare goes at first.

On Saturday I ran in the Lake Minnewaska Half Marathon.  Having run the Twin Cities Marathon twice, the mere 13.1 miles seemed like a nice obtainable goal and a great way to get involved in something in my new community.  I did most the suggested training for it and entered the race feel at least somewhat confident in my ability to run and finish the race.  I started towards the back of the pack, figuring that like in the Twin Cities Marathon I would have a chance to slow pass a number of people through the race.  Instead I watched as the main pack of races continued to move further and further a head, and while there were always a few races behind me, there was not much chance of moving up at the pace I was going.  As the miles went by it became more and more clear that this was not going to change.  At one point I began to wonder if I would be able to finish at all.  I did not have an "ace in the hole" ... there was not some trick I could do.  Not only was I not going to really beat anyone in the race, I was also not sure I would finish at all.  In the end I did finish, I "dug deep" and kept plodding along, finishing 55th out of 77 and 11th out of 12 in the 18-30 male division.  Not terrible but certainly not great either.

We have lots of great expressions like "winning isn't everything" that certainly apply here.  I did a get a sense of satisfaction for finishing the race.  And despite the rain and the pain in my legs, it was mostly an enjoyable experience while I did it.  But during the race there was a nagging temptation to not make it about winning.  "I am just doing it for fun" or "I am just a casual runner."  Both of those were true, I had no illusions about winning or placing well, and I am certainly a casual runner.  At the same time it bugged me I could not do better.  At the same time I really did want to succeed.  Is it helpful to try and turn off our competitive drive when we think we cannot win?  Is it helpful to try and move the goal posts so no matter what we can make them?  What do we lose in the process?  What do we give up on when we are not trying our best?  What do we lose when we do just focus on winning instead?

I do want a spend a moment connecting this to the church, cause that is part of why I blog ... but I hope the thoughts above stand on their own and so if you stopped reading now it would be fine ...

I think we are at a time in the church when we do not know what winning looks like (though we are probably sure we are not doing it) and we are at a time where it is tempting to look quickly for some goal posts we can make it to, we can succeed at.  Certainly the desire to win is dangerous, especially if it starts to be our raison d'etre instead of serving God.  On the other hand, not competing, not trying to "win" seems antithetical to our call as well, especially if we defining winning in terms of the great commission and bringing about the Kingdom of God ... do we really have a choice but to seek after these things, to run this race that is before us.  The nice thing about a race is that the goal is defined by someone else ... you will run 13.1 miles or 5k or 26.2 or whatever the distance is.  We need to find a similar goal for the church, so that those of us who want to dig deep and compete have something to aim for, something to push us forward and hopefully move us all in the same direction.